


Ma Vhenan

by underthenorthstar



Series: The Lion and the Wild [4]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Budding Relationship, F/M, Love, Lyrium, References to Drug Use, Romance, Withdrawal Symptoms, fluffy at the end, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-14
Updated: 2015-03-14
Packaged: 2018-03-17 17:54:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3538688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/underthenorthstar/pseuds/underthenorthstar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen deals with Lyrium withdrawals. Ellyrianna is there to help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ma Vhenan

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if my Dalish is inaccurate, the spelling is what Google told me!

It starts with a headache.

It niggles in his right temple for most of the morning, an annoying twinge that makes him grumpy and ill humoured. As the day wears on it grows and grows, and by mid afternoon it's a full blown pounding nightmare. He feels the pain reverberate from his head all the way down to his feet. 

He snaps at his recruits in training, yells at Leiliana for forgetting to give him a report, makes Josie cry at the war table. By evening he is utterly exhausted, irritable, and desperate. The itch to give in has been steadily increasing since the morning, and now his blood is practically crying for it.

Despite his better judgment, when he retires to his office for the evening, he takes the little wooden box out of his desk drawer. He sits it on top of the desk, hands shaking. He should not give in. He should not even be tempted. But the burn is so strong, and in this moment, he feels so weak.

He closes his eyes, his memories flashing back in painful waves. The horror of Uldred's torture, watching his brothers and sisters being turned into abominations. Knight Commander Meredith and her brutality, Mage and Templar blood staining the streets of Kirkwall. His sweet Ellyrianna, cold and seemingly lifeless in his arms as he carries her out of the wreckage of Haven. 

He shakes his head, trying to will the bad memories away. His veins scream out for just one taste of lyrium, one small dose. He can feel his whole body vibrating as he takes the small wooden box in his hands. He should be stronger, should be able to resist, but he just can't seem to find the strength.

He is just about to open the box when there is a knock at his door. He hastily sets it down, trying to calm himself as he bids the knocker to enter.

To his surprise, it is Ellyrianna who enters. She is supposed to be closing rifts out in the Hissing Wastes. His heart lifts slightly at the sight of her, whole and unhurt.

Maker, but she is beautiful. It never ceases to stun him slightly whenever she walks into the room. He always finds himself wondering how on earth someone could be so radiant. 

"Hello," she smiles softly at him. "We finished up in the Wastes a little early. I just thought I'd....." She trails off, a frown creasing her beautiful features.

"You look awful," she knits her brows, "are you alright?"

He waves a hand at her dismissively, not wanting to drag her into the mire and muck of his problems.

"I'm just tired," he lies, pushing down the bubble of guilt that rises in his chest. "It's been a long day."

She frowns deeper, and he can tell she doesn't believe him. 

"Whatever the problem is, I can help," she crosses the room to stand in front of him.

He can't help but let out a derisive snort. "I highly doubt it."

Her eyes narrow. "There's no need to be rude, Cullen."

His shoulders slump. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I just....I can't let you see me like this." He turns away, feeling hot shame flame up in his gut. 

To be honest, he is terrified. If she knows about his past, about what he's done and what he struggles with, he's afraid she will no longer care for him. How could someone so sweet and pure be with someone so corrupted and flawed like him? She is like a radiant flower tended to with love, and he is the weed cursed at and trampled underfoot. 

He hears her shuffle around so she is in front of him. A small cool hand touches his cheek gently. He leans instinctively into it, the softness of her touch dulling the edge of his cravings.

"Cullen, don't shut me out," her voice is wavering slightly. "I care for you, let me help. Let me share your burdens."

He looks down into those endless blue eyes, gazing at him with such tenderness, and he feels some of his resolve leave him.

"I'm scared," he admits quietly, reaching up to lightly stroke her vallaslin. "I'm scared if I tell you everything....you won't like me so much anymore."

She shakes her head, eyes growing hard. "Nothing you could say will change how I feel, Cullen. Now please, let me in. Let me help. Please."

And he breaks. It all comes spilling out, all the dark and horrible details. He leaves nothing out. Kinloch, Kirkwall, the lyrium, he tells her all. She simply listens, his hands cradled in hers. When he finally finishes, he feels spent, but somehow lighter. It feels almost good to let out what has been bottled up for so long. Still, there is a lingering fear of her rejection. That what he said will drive her away. It makes his heart ache in sadness.

But she does not pull away, does not look at him in horror or disgust. She takes his face between her petite palms, and kisses him. It's unlike any kiss they've shared before. It's a kiss of need, a kiss of promise. He lets hope rise a little in his chest.

She pulls away, and her eyes are filled with tears.

"Cullen, you are the bravest man I have ever met," she says, her thumbs swiping gently across his cheeks. "To go through what you went through, to resist lyrium like you have, it's incredible. You are incredible. We've all made mistakes. You have overcome yours, and you are stronger and better for it. There is nothing you have said that makes me care for you any less."

He can feel a few tears prick at his own eyes, and he blinks rapidly to dispel them. "But I was thinking of taking lyrium today. Had you not come, I think I would have given in."

"Perhaps," she says quietly, "but perhaps not. Do you want to take the lyrium?"

He shakes his head resolutely. "No."

"Then you have the strength to resist," she says firmly, reaching up and pressing a light kiss to his nose. "I will be here for you, ma vhenan. You will not be alone."

Maker, what has he ever done to deserve this woman. All his dark secrets spilled, and she does not flinch. She is looking at him like he is the sun to her earth. He does not understand it, but he will cherish it. 

"Thank you, Ellyrianna," he leans his forehead against her own. "This was not easy. I, I appreciate your kindness."

She smiles gently at him. "Oh ma vhenan, anything for you."

"You've said that phrase twice now," he murmurs, rubbing his nose against her little button one. "What does it mean?"

She sighs, leaning up so their lips just barely brush against each other.

"It means...my heart."

With that, she is kissing him again, and he feels the lyrium itch begin to fade. It will not leave, he knows this well, but it is currently muted by the unadulterated joy he feels at her words. It rushes through his veins, a lilting song that he never wants to hear end. His very skin sings. He is not alone in this fight. She is here.

And in the moment, he knows.

He is in love.


End file.
